How Narcissistic Parenting Damages Self-Worth and How Therapy Can Help You Rebuild It

Growing up with narcissistic parents leaves a mark that goes far beyond childhood. It shapes how you see yourself, how you navigate relationships, and even how you choose your career. Many adults who had narcissistic parents find themselves constantly chasing approval, yet never feeling good enough, no matter what they achieve.

The roots of this lie in the way love, validation, and self-worth were taught (or withheld) in their early years.

When ‘Good Enough’ Never Exists

If you were raised by a narcissistic parent, you may have experienced a constant undertone of criticism or disapproval. Nothing you did was ever quite right. Even your successes may have been dismissed, compared unfavourably, or overshadowed by your parent’s needs and moods.

The message, whether spoken outright or implied through behaviour, was clear:

Your worth depends on meeting someone else’s expectations.

This can be incredibly confusing when you see your parent treat strangers or acquaintances with warmth and charm, offering them the kindness you longed for. As a child, you may have thought: "If I act like that person my parent is being nice to, maybe they’ll love me too."

That belief can stick with you for life. You learn to perform, to please and to adapt in the hope of earning love and approval.

Being Loved for What You Do, Not Who You Are

In a healthy family, love is given freely for who the child is, their personality, quirks, and uniqueness. In a narcissistic household, love is conditional.

Approval comes when you achieve, when you behave ‘appropriately’, obediently, or when you serve the parent’s needs. If you step outside those lines by asserting your own needs or boundaries, you face withdrawal, anger or coldness.

Over time, you internalise a dangerous belief:

I’m only lovable if I meet other people’s needs.

This belief can shape major life decisions. Many people from narcissistic homes end up in careers that earn them admiration, respect, or a sense of being needed rather than careers that bring personal fulfilment. The same happens in relationships - choosing partners who mirror the approval-giving dynamics they grew up with, even if those relationships are unbalanced or unhealthy.

The Cost in Adulthood

On the surface, you might look successful but inside you feel stuck, unmotivated, and empty. Activities you once enjoyed may no longer bring joy.

You can find yourself torn between:

• Living a life that earns approval (from family, peers, or society), even if it means ignoring your own needs and desires.

• Living authentically - choosing what makes you truly happy while risking losing the approval of the very people you’ve spent your whole life trying to please.

  
  

This isn’t an easy choice, because the fear of disapproval runs deep. It’s not just about upsetting someone, it’s about triggering old feelings of rejection, abandonment, and unworthiness.

Losing Trust in Yourself

Perhaps the most damaging part of narcissistic parenting is a loss of self-trust. Growing up, you learned that your own feelings, instincts, and needs were either wrong, inconvenient, or irrelevant.

Instead of asking yourself “What do I want?” you learned to ask “What will make them happy?”Instead of sticking to your own boundaries, you checked in on the other person’s mood.

When this becomes automatic, you lose touch with your authentic self. Even as an adult, you may struggle to know what you like, what you need, or what you believe without running it past someone else’s approval.

How Do You Reconnect with the Real You?

This is where therapy can be life-changing.

A good therapist offers something rare for someone who grew up in a narcissistic family: a space that is entirely about you. Your thoughts, your needs, your feelings, with no hidden agenda and no conditions.

In therapy:

• You can safely explore your past without judgement.

• You begin to recognise the patterns you’ve carried into adulthood.

• You learn to listen to your own inner voice and trust it again.

• You experiment with setting boundaries in a safe environment.

This process is powerful because it’s the opposite of what you experienced growing up. Instead of conditional approval, you get acceptance. Instead of manipulation, you get clarity. Instead of “you’re only lovable if…” you get the chance to believe “I am enough as I am.”

Rebuilding Self-Worth Takes Time, but it is Possible

Healing from narcissistic parenting isn’t about cutting ties with your past, it’s about loosening its grip on your present. It’s about learning that your worth doesn’t come from pleasing others, performing perfectly, or always being needed.

It’s about discovering what you want your life to look like, and feeling strong enough to create it.

Therapy offers the tools, the support, and the space to do that. Step by step, you can learn to live from a place of self-worth, not self-sacrifice and when you do, you’re not just surviving, you’re finally living.